Struggling...

I have recently created a new blog, with a new address, and have decided to introduce myself. Enjoy.
 

Ah, where to start.

For personal reasons, I would like to stay anonymous. If you'd like to have a private conversation with me, I will definitely introduce myself, give you a background, etc. But for now, this is the internet, and I want to keep things personal things private. I have been a blogger before, mainly for my own use. Venting, my love of writing, that sort of thing. Writing has become something I love, but nothing I could ever see myself pursuing as a career.

As a young one living on this crazy planet we call home, things often get difficult. I feel as though everything is a challenge. Working, taking care of ourselves, earning an income...paying the bills. The stress just never ends...

I don't even know where to start, or where to begin. It seems as though all day long I have so many thoughts to throw out there, but when I get down to blogging...I don't know what to write. Sometimes, I pour my heart out. And that's the only way I know how to vent, or get things out there. This may get very personal, and if you're not interested...please just continue with your day. I just want to throw a few things out there. This is my blog. I have had problems in the past with people saying that the way I was describing my feelings was offensive. Well guess what? Everything offends someone. This is my blog, and this is the only tool I have to open up and let go of everything. With that said, I don't purposely want to offend you. If I do, I am sorry. On a second note, if I know you in person, and you read this blog, and I see you on a daily/weekly/whatever basis, please don't bring any of this up to me. I write it on here to let it out and feel like someone is listening. With that said, I don't want to talk about it. And I don't want to hear about it. Everyone has their good days and their bad, please respect my feelings.

With that said, things started going down hill for me when I became a teenager. I have been confused on life. Growing up is hard, and I do not want to move out or become an adult. I recently got a job and I will tell you that has been quite the adjustment. So, I have been confused on my faith and how some people have the greatest walk with God and how people like me seem to struggle so much. Right now, I am reading my Bible and doing devotions...it's just like how do I change. I'm trying so hard. It's just so frustrating.

I've been fighting with family, my mom isn't home, I'm exhausted, I'm alone...my step dad is at his friends...it's just like, why? I feel like because I'm getting older, I don't mean as much as the little ones. And yes, I can take care of myself...it's just really sad...and oh so hurtful. I miss my mom...and I wish we were closer than we are. Death scares me...and I don't want to regret not being closer with her.

On a second note, I have young siblings. And I have yelled so much today. I just feel so bad. I'm tired, and I'm stressed. But then they cry, and I feel so bad. I just wish I could be nicer. And less stressed. I feel like I am so mean, and have been so mean to them. Tonight, I am just rambling. And my writing is so unorganized. But to those who have listened...thank you for being there